TO LENO OR NOT TO LENO

EVEN SHAKESPEARE WOULDN’T ASK SUCH A DUMB QUESTION

BY LISA RICHARDS

September 10, 2007

Apparently Senator Fred Thompson has upset America and the state of New Hampshire more than MacDonald’s going non-trans fat. Instead of showing up for the Durham, New Hampshire Republican Debate on September 5, 2007, Thompson committed a faux pas worse than wearing white after Labor Day; he appeared on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno to announce his candidacy for the Presidency of the United States: “I’m running for President of the United States” the Senator told a happy crowd.

And suddenly, without warning, pigs flew and hell froze over; New Hampshire was ready to make Fred Thompson live without freedom and die.

As if anyone should care where the man announced his candidacy; but apparently New Hampshire was snubbed to the greatest of insult. The fact anyone would ignore a state full of old 60’s Birkenstock-wearing, tie-dye T-shirt wearing hippies whose vote counts more than anyone else in America was more than anyone who spent the entire 1960’s high on LSD could bare. And debate moderators Brit Hume, Chris Wallace and Wendell Goller considered the topic of Fred Thompson’s absence more important than the catching Osama bin Laden.

Governor Mike Huckabee compared Senator Thompson to “No Show” George Jones; Senator McCain claimed “We’re way up past Fred’s bedtime;” Mitt Romney sarcastically stated: “What’s the hurry? Why not wait until January or February?” Actually Mitt, if any of you had sense; you all would have ignored Obama and Hillary’s jump-the-gun run and waited until the normal January 2008 announcement time. Mayor Giuliani declared about Thompson: “This is a nomination you have to earn. This is not a time to elect someone who will have on-the-job-training…America’s at war.”

The idiotic questions didn’t end there; the candidates were asked if they could forgive Larry Craig of his scandal?

Sam Brownback said Craig has “already pulled the trigger,” further stating the Republican Party needs to stand for family values...[and] rebuild the family…[and] be bolder about standing up for the family.” Duncan Hunter was more firm: “He [Craig] should resign.”

And on went the answers to the Craig scandal, which were as absurd as Craig’s guilty plea to something he states he did not do. I almost expected questions like this to erupt from the stupidity: “and gentlemen, what do you think of Michael Vick hanging dogs after he made them murder other dogs? And what do you men think about Vick’s declarations of finding Jesus; do you think he’s saved or hell-bound? And how many of you candidates think Paris Hilton would make a fabulous spokesperson for Mother’s Against Drunk Drivers? And speaking of important people to national policy; is Britney Spears a fit mother? Should K-Fed get custody of their children; do any you think Larry Birkhead and Howard K. Stern really are lovers; and tell us gentlemen, do any of you think Osama bin Laden looks better with the Grecian Formula or his natural grays?”

Obviously the National Enquirer was writing the first questions.

As far as the real debate went, after we got beyond Fred’s Leno-gate and Craig’s bathroom pick-up-gate, the same old same old questions were posed: Illegal Immigration, Sanctuary Cities, Abortion, Marriage—gay versus straight, Iraq, Presidential Power and the War on Terror; should Gitmo Bay stay opened; Executive Powers, Taxes—Fair Tax or higher taxes on the disgustingly evil rich; Government Spending, Family Values, and Iran.

There was nothing new in the questions; it was the same as every debate. But this debate had one highlight that made the entire thing worth watching: Mike Huckbee in a smack-down with a man who actually makes Dennis Kucinich appear normal: Dr. Ron Paul.

The subject was Iraq, and as everyone who watches the republican debates knows, Ron Paul does not believe in a military; he wants it abolished along with the CIA, FBI, Homeland Security and everything else securing America’s safety. Basically Paul wants a free country ruled by out-of-order nobody hippie dolts controlling the country from their Sci-Fi collection library in their mother’s basements.

And thus began the political version of the WWE. Ron Paul lost it. Come to think of it, the scrawny little chicken-necked miser lost it long ago and needs to self-medicate. Huckabee’s fists hit the podium exclaiming we are one nation under God, which sat as well as a toupee on James Traficant’s head. Paul began to shout back about correcting our mistakes he considers to be caused by America’s inept foreign policy. The in-your-face rhetoric continued with no possible intervention. Huckabee had enough of the kicked-in-the-head lack-luster liberal libertarian declaring if America does things Paul’s way, we’re going to lose the Republican Party and the country.

Actually Paul can’t be blamed for any loss in support; the party is shooting it’s self in the foot.

Paul shouted to Huckabee: “We have no need for troops on the Arabian Peninsula…we need a new foreign policy that says we need to mind our own business [in world affairs]!”

Concerning Iraq and Paul’s insistence we pull out now Huckabee demanded: “Congressman, whether or not we should have gone to Iraq is a discussion for historians, but we’re there. We bought it because we broke it. We’ve got a responsibility to the honor of this country and the honor of every man and woman who has served in Iraq and our military to not leave them with anything less than the honor they deserve.”

Paul angrily insisted: “The American people didn’t go in. A few people advising this administration, a small number of people called the neoconservatives, hijacked our foreign policy. They are responsible, not the American people.”

Dr. Paul, if the American people did not go in, who are those troops wearing U.S. uniforms in Iraq; Johnny Depp and the French?

To Paul’s absurdity Huckabee interjected the big no-no of all no-no’s; God: “Congressman, we are one nation. We can’t be divided. We have to be one nation under God. That means if we make a mistake, we make it as a single country…Even if we lose elections, we should not lose our honor.”

Now why can’t all debates be like that; one-on-one smack-downs? The question and answers from moderators are always too redundant and quite frankly boring except when Tom Tancredo gets a chance to answer, which is about once every millennium. If anyone worried over Thompson not showing up, they need not have bothered; the brawl was worth staying up late for.

When Tancredo got his chance at illegal immigration and sanctuary cities he let everyone on the stage have it, noting that until that night he was the only candidate fighting illegal immigration, shouting against illegal immigration and working against it. Tancredo noted that suddenly every candidate is for secure borders when they’ve been against them all along. Then turning to his fellow candidates: “It’s nothing to do with disliking people coming into this country and everything to do with the rule of law. Do you understand that?” he heatedly asked.

On the War on Terror, Tancredo was the only person with the guts to call the war what it really is: “The war is not actually in Iraq, it’s with radical Islam…we were not attacked because we had troops in Saudi Arabia, we were attacked because Islam wants to destroy America.” Tancredo went further declaring “If we capture people who have information, we should water-board [them]. It’s not torture. We have to do whatever to keep America safe. I would go to great lengths to keep this country safe.”

Tancredo noted that when it comes to the political correctness adopted by Washington, “political correctness will get us all killed.” Wisely put since we are on the sixth anniversary of 9/11.

Of course none of Tancredo’s words sat well with McCain, who insists places like Guantanimo Bay are the reason our troops are being captured and tortured. Never mind the fact Muslims have been kidnapping our people for decades and torturing and killing them because the diabolical Koran dictates Muslims commit atrocities against non-Muslims and the world; it’s all Bush’s fault terrorism and torture exists at all.

As usual, the entire debate focused on the beliefs, or rather the latest beliefs, of Mitt, Rudy, and McCain. Tancredo, whom I feel is the best candidate because he never wavers on conservative values, was never allowed to voice an opinion beyond three answers. Apparently the conservative is too conservative for the once conservative Republican Party. I guess the party doesn’t want a no-holds-bar tough guy. So far the party is going with the pretty guy, the mob-whacker and the no-torture-in-a-tutu twit.

I have a fantasy about the next debate rolling around inside my brain: the giant linebacker-esque good ole’ boy Tennessean with the baritone voice Thompson versus the skinny little runt Paul. Just picture the smack-down go around: Fred Thompson leaning over the little libertarian liberal loon, who has no idea what being a libertarian means, and verbally smacking the Ship In High Transit out of the snot-nosed, get-us-all-killed for peace, peace-nick.

And I would like to see Bill O’Reilly and Dennis Miller moderate. They can have Geraldo Rivera come in for the questions on why the so-called illegals should be allowed to take over America.

copyright 2007 Lisa Richards

www.lisa-richards.com

E-Mail: www.lisa-richards@lisa-richards.com